What I’ve learned so far.
- meeting people here who are from all over the world, mainly Europe and Taiwan, and it seems like we are all on the same boat-ish. This new volunteer, Kveta, who I believe is 30 has also come to Japan to escape her job in the Czech Republic. Traveling around the world on an extremely low budget to try to discover what she wants to do instead of the daily 9-5 grind of office life. She is at the end of her 3 month journey and it sounds like she hasn’t figured out much. It was tiring having to volunteer and move around all the time with little money and missing her boyfriend the whole time. I feel very fortunate that perhaps I am actually in a better situation than I had previously imagined. I have money that I’ve saved up for a long time, so while I am trying to be smart about how I spend, I don’t have to feel restricted by what I can and can’t do here financially. When I return home, I don’t have another option lined up for me, but I do have the option of going back and working at the restaurant. Not my #1 choice, but it’s not terrible either. I felt like I would have failed on my trip if I end up going back to the same thing when I return home, but maybe that’s not the case. If I can go back feeling a stronger commitment to my family and our businesses, then it would have been also a success. Everyone has a dream of doing their own business, something that they can put their heart into and have control over. But it’s never that easy or that simple.
- Iwao, our host, is such a kind old man. His story, while it sounds very inspiring because of all the places hes been and things that he has done, can also sound a little bit depressing. On the one hand, he had a chance to travel all around the world as a type of representative of Japanese cultural arts, something the government highly values. They send representatives from all prefectures all over Japan to tour the world and share their gifts. He also worked with children, taking them on foreign exchange programs to sister countries and performing in music venues all over the world. He has such a strong desire to travel and see the world and learn from other cultures. So hes trying to do something similar here on this beautiful art island. But some of the people here, Japanese natives, are not as open to it. They don’t care about the art or other cultures, they only want whats more profitable or what has been more traditional. Not so open to new ideas. And it’s tough here to do it all by himself. Everything’s expensive and the volunteers that come are a mixed bag. Some are hardworking and genuinely want to contribute to his project, others just want the free room and food for minimal work. I don’t know where he gets all his energy from. He says he does want to quit. To just somehow pass it off and go back home to his other island of Shodoshima. It’s too hard here by himself and he is getting too old. Cancer. Among other family problems. Is this like me too? I wish I could create something to share with my community too, but I just don’t know where to get the support. And sometimes it just seems so fruitless and in vain. What’s the point if no one else seems to care about it? But I don’t have all his problems. I have good health, I am young, I don’t have to take care of my family just yet, I don’t have financial burdens yet, I have the world. He said, do what you want to do because life is too short. He said no one ever told him that, so he tries to tell everyone he knows. Life is too short. Do what you want to do.
- In the beginning, when I first got here, I also felt really alone and out of place. Living in the hostel in Tokyo, it was a little strange and it didn’t feel like home. Nowhere I could go to really stretch out and just relax. It always seemed like people were in a rush to go somewhere and do something. There was nowhere to go to just be. Just sit, just watch the world. It always felt like you were taking up someone else’s time or there was a limit to your stay. Even just minding your own business felt like it could be annoying to other people because you were in their way, too slow, they’re too busy. In a city where there is so much to see and do, it felt like I was missing out on everything because I didn’t know what to see or do. And no one really spoke English so it was hard to communicate. Every encounter was filled with anxiety because I knew they would expect that I speak Japanese, but I would inevitably have to disappoint or confuse them with my inability to reciprocate. Besides that, I just didn’t know what I was doing. People would ask, what do you have planned today? Nothing. Really nothing. Just wander around, lost and aimless. It was a weird feeling. So different from being at home where you know your routine and stick to what’s familiar. If anything just staying at home where I can be comfortable and relax and not have to care about the outside world was great too. But there was nowhere to do that in Tokyo.
- Listening to that book, Vagabonding, was really good though. It confirmed to me that what I was feeling was normal and totally fine to not have a plan or know what I was doing or where I was going. That was part of the whole deal. Just figuring it out. The journey is more important than the destination.
- Now, I am here. I feel a bit more like I am at home here. I want to help this old man, even just a little bit. I want to get to know these volunteers, even if they don’t really care about his project. I want to make the people I am around just a little bit happier. The two girls, Sonja and Marina, from Germany were really fun and outgoing the first few days that I was here, but they have gotten really quiet and look so tired. I guess the work is a lot for them? I see it at the restaurant too. They either just don’t want to work or want to be told what to do. He doesn’t really make them do things and there is no system here. It is a bit unorganized. Actually very. But there’s so much work and I can understand why he doesn’t want to force them to do things because the hours are a bit long and they are just volunteers. If he asks too much, perhaps they get unhappy, yet if he asks too little, they are still unhappy. It’s such a hard thing to balance.
- I met this French girl too, who left a couple days after I arrived here. She is young and spunky. Confident in what she wants to do and makes it sound quite special. Like journaling, she calls it creative writing. She wants to be a writer of some sort? I guess what I mean is that I always felt like I only had an interest in all these creative things, but I wasn’t “good” at any of them. But I discovered that I actually do have more skill than I give myself credit for. At least in comparison to others. They make their work sound so…impressive when in reality, I dunno, it’s just journaling. And maybe I do the oppposite, make myself sound really amateur when actually I do have a good amount of knowledge. I don’t know if I should change that or not. Or maybe just change the way that I perceive myself about it? I always feel like I am just a student at things. That there is always so much more to learn and there are so many people who are far more talented than me so who am I to call myself an “artist” or any other such title. Some people snap a few photos and then call themselves photographers. I have never felt so confident in anything. Maybe also that I don’t like to be so limited to that one thing. I work in restaurants. I am a server. But then I am not just a server. But I don’t like to call myself a “manager” either. I just work. I do some things and I try, but what is the result? What is the purpose? I guess result and purpose are two opposite things.
- Papa has always only cared about the result. He said it’s the only thing that matters. But I have always cared more about the purpose. Why are we doing this? Because there is no end. There never is a final destination. Even once you reach the result, there will always be some other result or end or destination to go to. The only final destination is death. So why are we doing these things? What is the reason? The purpose? I guess that is what I want to know on this trip. Rather than what I will be doing when I get back. What is the purpose I want to fulfill when I get back?
- There is so much art on this island. I feel lucky to have arrived here because I didn’t even know about it before I arrived. And it is so interesting to see what these artists do. The message they are trying to convey. Their opinion about the world that they live in. That is what art is isn’t it? Half of it is a type of skill, but the other half is really the message. The feeling, the opinion, their point of view on any subject. And people care about this. In this sense, anything, really anything can be art. But how to communicate to people so that they care? I think that is the hardest part. I went to the Teshima Art Museum. It was stunning. Breathtaking. Like I reached heaven on earth. I don’t know if such a place could have worked in any other country to be honest. To be able to accommodate so many people yet remain so calm and serene. Only in Japan, where to culture is to be respectful and quiet and polite, could they have preserved such an atmosphere. Impressive. It’s one of those places that even though you can look at photographs, it really doesn’t capture the feeling of being there and experiencing it first hand.